My time left in Canada is only comprised of a handful of hours now. After 223 days of planning, I will board a plane for a year in Belgium. I’ve been able to avoid thinking the immediate nature of it up until today. Now my stomach is turning as I think about what to do with my last hours. Continue reading
I began the year surrounded by friends and in the arms of the man I love. Since then I have seen the sky above the clouds, dipped my feet in the other side of the Atlantic Ocean and ridden a bicycle in the South of France. I have gone thousands of miles further from home than I had ever dreamt I would.
Once, not that long ago, I couldn’t sleep with light in the darkness of my room. A pinprick of light was more than enough to pierce through my eyelids to keep me awake for hours.
These days I sleep through the soft, black light from my computer screen. Sometimes I wake up to the familiar creak of his wooden bed, but more often I hear nothing until morning, lost in my dreams. A year of electronic slumber parties and a summer of travel has made me an adaptable sleeper.
Tonight I sit in the pure darkness of my room, under my soft fur blanket, feeling like I’ve forgotten something. Tonight there’s no light from my screen, so heavy breath to wake me. My fan blows to block out the sounds of the world, but it seems that a layer of my white noise is gone. There’s no open link to the other side of the world, no comforting presence to be found.
How can such a simple thing mean so very much? How does a soft glow bring such beautiful security and tenderness? It feels strange to go without it.
With or without the light, tonight I will close my eyes and dream soft dreams of him, as I often do.
My long distance relationship has a way of changing my thought process.
These days I have trouble deciding to go to sleep. It’s 1 a.m. for me and 6 a.m. for him. Our webcams are on. I’m comforted by the way he turns and sighs in his sleep, as if the distance had fallen away and I could roll over to find him there next to me. If I could only stay up a couple more hours, I would be awake when he gets up. But 4 a.m. is so very late and there is always something to do tomorrow. Instead I will turn my speakers up and wake whenever he makes a noise. Each time I look, the screen will be lighter, parts of the room appearing slowly in the faint sunlight. The shadows will fall back little by little, casting the light of day into my night covered world. I will hear him when he rustles his way out of bed. It will still be dark in the small hours before daylight and I will stumble to the computer to say goedemorgen as he apologizes for waking me, as if it hadn’t been my plan from the start. I will stumble back into bed as he goes for breakfast. I will sleep while he goes to class. If I sleep too late his classes will be nearly finished. By noon he will be home. He will eat his supper while I eat a late lunch. His day will end before it’s dark in my world. I will stay up for hours while he sleeps, accomplishing the things I never seem to get done while he’s awake. I will make a hard decision to sleep again.
Every morning your world shines into mine, the same way you bring light into my life.
Something kind of amazing happened today.
My boyfriend is a gamer. I’m not talking about a North American variety gamer that plays all day and wishes he was a pro. My boyfriend played with and later managed the Antwerp Aces, a Belgian pro gaming team. I’ve seen videos where people call him a legend and forums where fans beg him to admin competitions. He lived and breathed video games for most of his life and still has an intense passion for them. He doesn’t compete anymore, but he’s on top of the amazing new things to hit the video game industry.
Long story short, he’s nerdy and I love it. Continue reading
I know it’s been a long time since I’ve posted here. I feel pretty okay with that. I realize that it was supposed to be a tool to keep a log of my travels and let everyone at home see what I was up to, but honestly, Facebook kind of covered the most important aspects there. Not only was writing taking up too much of my time, it was taking focus in my mind while I was traveling. Instead of enjoying myself, I was wondering what I needed to write about next. That’s not a proper way to experience it.
I’m now four days from the end of my trip. Four days. It’s hard to contemplate how quickly that summer went. I had an amazing, eye opening experience. Some of the trip was fantastic and other parts were very difficult. Most of those things deserve their own post. There’s not much that I can describe in just a few sentences, but we’ll get to those later. Continue reading
I’m sitting in my room, up way too late. Tomorrow I leave for Halifax, the very beginning of my trip to Belgium. Last night some of my friends helped send me off, and today I had to say farewell to others. Tomorrow I have to say farewell to my family. It’s all very surreal. My suitcase has traveled ahead of me to Halifax with the friend I’ll be staying with there. My papers are all in order and my carry on is packed. It looks like I’m all ready to go. Continue reading
I’m lying in bed. It’s one in the morning and I can’t sleep. Skype is open, the solid black window that provides me a peak at what it is like on the other side of the world. My boyfriend sleeps in the pure darkness. Soon the light will creep in through his window and slowly the black will slither away, giving me a glimpse of a leg, an arm, a toe. It is nearly six in the morning in Belgium.
Last week I announced officially that I would be going to Belgium for three months. For those of you who are just joining me on the blog, welcome! As you can see, I’ve been planning this for quite a while.
As exciting as it was to know I was going to be traveling the world, it was very important to me that I keep it a secret. I don’t come from a wealth of money and I was afraid that if my employer found out ahead of time, I would lose the hours I was getting. The last thing I needed was to announce I was going only to find out in the end that I couldn’t afford it.
My boyfriend surprised me back at Christmas time with a very unexpected gift. The Belgian Red Devils had been collecting fan photos to put on the side of their tour bus. He submitted a photo of us and now if you check out the back of the bus, we’re right there! The picture is the one that’s four from the bottom, second on the left. Just look at those adorable Christmas outfits 😛
My boyfriend is kind of amazing 😀