It’s been a strange day. In announcing that I was having bad luck, some good luck came to me in the form of extra work. Perhaps now that I’m announcing my good luck, the stakes will revert back, but it’s a chance I’m willing to take.
I’ve been spending a lot of time wondering about courage. Why was I so courageous as a teenager and now so meek as an adult? Why do I get overwhelmed at the idea of a challenge when I used to take on just one more thing, just to see if I could handle the pressure?
I could speculate. I could blame it on school burn out, bad relationships, moving or any number of things. I can pin point things and take note of the moments that cracked my surface and made me helpless, but what good would that do?
Instead I’m taking the time to regonize that my surface is cracked. I am not the person I was five, ten years ago. I have let bad things under my skin and I have changed. It’s time to be okay with that. It’s time to stop trying to be what I was before and to instead grow into something new.
It’s time to make peace with my life. It’s time to start thriving in my current state. I need to play the waiting game, working my way to my next set of goals. I need to accept that people are coming and going from my life and that it’s the way of things. It’s time to find new ways to be brave, new goals to reach, new ways to thrive.
I’m also going to accept the fact that someday I’m totally fucking going to Norway.