I began the year surrounded by friends and in the arms of the man I love. Since then I have seen the sky above the clouds, dipped my feet in the other side of the Atlantic Ocean and ridden a bicycle in the South of France. I have gone thousands of miles further from home than I had ever dreamt I would.
I’ve been having one of those weeks. My life isn’t exactly falling apart, but I’m not happy with it. I’m still trying to figure out my place in the world after three months away and it’s exhausting. Today during my lunch break I found myself texting my boyfriend and saying “I could really use some good news.”
As I’m getting ready for bed, I move some stuff on the table and lo and behold, I have mail! I never get mail. I open it up and it’s a Christmas card from an old friend. She’s someone I see a lot less often than I’d like, but think about often. Inside the card it says:
“Merry Christmas to one of the bravest, most ambitious ladies I know (even if you don’t feel like it everyday – you are!)”
And I cried. Continue reading
It’s been a strange day. In announcing that I was having bad luck, some good luck came to me in the form of extra work. Perhaps now that I’m announcing my good luck, the stakes will revert back, but it’s a chance I’m willing to take.
I’ve been spending a lot of time wondering about courage. Why was I so courageous as a teenager and now so meek as an adult? Why do I get overwhelmed at the idea of a challenge when I used to take on just one more thing, just to see if I could handle the pressure?
I’m pretty sure I’m hitting an epic climax of what is most likely a quarter life crisis. I’m stuck in a bundle of catch 22’s. I can’t get out of my rut until I stay in my rut long enough to make some money and headway. I lack motivation, patience and definition. It’s sorely tempting to sit and write about all of the reason’s I’m not happy, but that’s not what I’m going to do.
I’m going to dig deep and find the things that make me happy and the things I’ve achieved, especially since being home. Continue reading