Lying awake

I’ve never been great at getting to sleep. I’ve always kept myself up with whatever is on my mind. Lately it’s been my boyfriend. 

Since he left, I lie awake as if I’ve forgotten something. It’s the same broken routine feeling I get when I forget to brush my teeth before bed. It’s been two weeks to the day since he left and I’m only now figuring out what it is I’m forgetting.

Every night before we went to sleep we would cuddle up and talk for a few minutes before getting comfortable on our own sides of the bed. This started the moment we realized we are both picky sleepers who can only fall asleep in our own space, no cuddling allowed.

This is the thing I’m missing.

I hug my giant body pillow and try to sleep, but it doesn’t cuddle back. It doesn’t sweetly whisper “I love you” and stroke my hair. It doesn’t plan adventures with me and it doesn’t laugh at my Pokemon voice impressions. (Not that I talk to my pillow. Often.)

It one of the things I miss most, right up there with having breakfast with him every morning and having him next to me in the car. There’s nothing in this world quite like waking up and falling asleep next to someone you love. Every night that I fall asleep without him I look forward to the 90 nights that that he’ll be next to me.

I’ve written this lying in my bed and am thankfully starting to get tired. Sleep seems like it might come easy now, so slaapwel liefde, and safe travels everyone else!

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Categories: Love, Personal | Tags: , , | Leave a comment

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